The Contacts Game

It has been this way since the cock-up in Cologne. On the day before a deployment, King Dormouse summons me to his office, and we play ‘the contacts game’ while he wipes the nicotine film from his gig-lamps or toys with the medieval caltrop he uses as a paperweight.

“October 14th?”

“1300 hours. Tineretului Bridge in Bucharest. The contact will be operating an RC rally car. When I take an interest, they will ask me if I’d like to have a go. I will accept the offer, remarking that the vehicle reminds me of one I drove recently in the better-than-ever Richard Burns Rally.”

“October 16th?”

“Ten in the morning, next to the Bill Clinton statue in Pristina. The contact will be carrying a retractable lead, and claim to be searching for a lost dog. After I enquire about the pooch’s appearance, they will show me the latest Blue Sky Aces dev log on their phone, and mention that Curious Dog are working on a “simmier” flight model for their demo-able debut project”

“October 19th?”

“2000 hours. Bar of the Hotel Tatra in Bratislava. The contact will be drinking a Singapore Sling garnished with a slice of celeriac. When I sit down beside them and order the same, they will ask if I’ve ever tried a Shanghai Sling. I will respond in the negative, but say that I have been meaning to try SGS Battle For: Shanghai, – the newish Second Sino-Japanese Wargame from Strategy Game Studio.”

“October 21st?”

“11.15 AM. The Viennese Tram Museum’s gift-shop. The contact will be pricing HO-scale model trams, and, when I ask them to recommend a PC tram simulator, will suggest Tramcity Hakodate, pointing out that it has recently benefited from a sizeable route extension, and road traffic improvements.”

“October 24th?”

“That would be 13:20, Stansted Airport, near London. I’ll find the contact leafing though a copy of PC Pilot in the magazine section of WHSmith. On hearing them mutter “Amazing!” I will say “I presume you’re reading about Flight Simulator 2024’s career mode?” then ‘accidentally’ drop the packet of Frazzles I’m holding.”

“October 28th?”

“Belfast. At just after two I will be sitting on a picnic table next to SS Nomadic when a person carrying a furled umbrella with a 1/32nd scale Airfix paratrooper impaled on the ferule, will sit down opposite me. After complaining about the Titanic Experience ticket prices, this individual will manoeuvre the conversation onto upcoming COIN title Northern Ireland ‘ 74, and mention that it won’t be long before American forces are liberating hexagons in The Troop.

“October 29th?”

“1600 hours, Berlin Zoo, outside the giraffe house. I’ll recognise my contact by their “FRANKIE SAY FRAG OUT” t-shirt, and the fact they’re talking loudly into their phone about an Early Access tac shooter called Black One Blood Brothers that’s somehow managed to go two years without coverage on the Corner.