Six reasons why I’ll never forget Trans-Siberian Railway Simulator

Reason 1. In other train sims you seldom fail a task because you’ve accidentally shot a prostitute.

Reason 2: In other train sims, you’re rarely asked to blow up bridges and plant landmines on the track.

Reason 3. In other train sims, leaning out of cab windows doesn’t increase the risk of death-by-bear.

Reason 4. In other train sims, cervine drive-bys are impossible.

Reason 5. In other train sims, you can’t adjust the throttle while nibbling on a raw parsnip or cabbage, or glugging a bottle of beer or milk.

Reason 6. There have been times this past week, particularly when the sun has been absent or hull-down, when the sim’s detailed cab, passable physics, and abundant traffic, have combined to produce moments of pleasing dislocation.

…and five reasons why, six hours into ‘story mode’, I’m thinking of calling it a day.

Reason 1. In other train sims you seldom fail a task because you’ve accidentally shot a prostitute.

Reason 2. The story that could, had it been stronger, quirkier, and more believable, have guaranteed TSRS cult classic status, is actually disappointingly thin and unengaging.

Reason 3. Currently, the only alternative to story mode is the task sequence from story mode minus the mafia jobs and survival-related shenanigans.

Reason 4. If you’re going to let players purchase and wield a bulky Seventies-era Soviet chainsaw, then, by crikey, you better ensure the trees that line tracks are vulnerable to its two-stroke love-bites.

Reason 5. No blizzards. The trailer promised whirling snowflakes aplenty, but I’ve yet to see a single one.